If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
