well you can't waste a boner
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
