I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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