Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
