Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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