so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize