We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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