The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
