I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
