There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There r osticjed everywhere
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
