I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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