There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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