She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
