So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
