but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
