Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
