its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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