"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
