why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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