I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
