I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
