You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
