You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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