One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
