I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
