There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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