so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
