Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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