My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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