when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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