Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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