He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
