Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
