i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm like, not good at living.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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