me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize