So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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