Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
