so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
