She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
