This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
