go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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