im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
