you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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