just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
