Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
