she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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