I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
