And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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