Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
