I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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