i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
