So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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