omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
