My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
