my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
