I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
