I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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