At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
