I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
