Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
