Got a toothbrush?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
