have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
