I wanna bring you to show and tell
This is not my ceiling
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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