Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
