Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
