Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
not ubering you a puppy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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