I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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